You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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