Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
