I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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