a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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