im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
should my penis look like a turkey
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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