We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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