I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
