So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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