Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
