Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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