I want a grilled cheese and an IV
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
