conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
