..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
