Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
