Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
