I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize