my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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