So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
