watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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