You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
