My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
