You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
