my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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