vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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