He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
