Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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