What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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