I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
