What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
