the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize