Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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