So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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