I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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