I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
...so i touched it.
too bad you live with your parents still
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
