did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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