i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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