OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
