the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
