Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
