Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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