i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
