Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's shark week go big or go home
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize