I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
