When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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