I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
