so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
