Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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