idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
