She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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