Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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