I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
