Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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