I just saw a hot homeless man
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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