Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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