He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
