but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I looked at my own cervix.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
