my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
