all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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