omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
