Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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