Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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