i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
