3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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