Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
