p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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