Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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