life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
as a side note pls kill me
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