Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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