do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
