I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Two words: nipple clamps
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