ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
