Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
