Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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