it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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