What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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