...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
