Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
