i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
